And she’s pressed against your chest. You haven’t even had a chance to get a good look at her. But it doesn’t matter. She’s yours. You can feel it with every atom of your being. She’s yours, and you’re hers. And nothing else matters.
MY BIRTH STORY
I decided to write about my birth story, because during my birthing experience I learned so much. I felt I had to share my experiences and the wisdom I gained along the way. I hope it inspires you to hold onto faith, no matter what is happening along the way.
Three years ago, the greatest blessing we could have ever asked for came into our life and our world. Little Ella Joy was born! We knew she was coming 2 years prior to her arrival. She came to me in a meditation, when my partner Tom and I thought we were pregnant. I wasn’t pregnant yet, but she spoke to me. I heard this name repeating in my mind over and over again, “Ella, Ella, Ella, Ella”. It was so loud and clear that I had to google its meaning. I realized that the name Ella means “a gift from heaven”. Since this moment in 2013 onward, she has been part of Tom and I’s mind and life. Because of this, we were not overly surprised when she decided to officially come to this world in 2015.
Our whole pregnancy was unusual, because we conceived while we were traveling in California. When Tom and I were brought together in 2010 we literally gave our lives to God. We asked to go wherever he would have us be and we traveled together for most of those years together on the wings of the divine. We were not willing to take back our life into our own hands when we got pregnant, so we continued to trust God, trust each other, and knew we would be carried exactly where we needed to be as we always had been. When we realized we were pregnant, we decided to stay in California for another 6 months. Mostly because I made this video “Total Commitment” and our prayers were answered through it. Both Tom and I were grateful that we stayed, because those 6 months were wholly joyous and miraculous between us and the family we stayed with. I share our story and my experience of this adventure in another video called “How to Make Decisions“.
When I had 4 months left in my pregnancy we received the prompt to finally go back to our hometown of Toronto Canada.
After we arrived home to Canada, we found a temporary home where our midwives were only a 10 minute walk away. The first lady we met who did my assessment and that we really connected with was named Kory. In the end, she became our Doula. (side note: if you have the opportunity to get a doula, do it!!! She was for ME and my sanity during birth…. where as a midwife, I have learned, is your baby/vagina doctor :)) Our actual midwife didn’t quite understand our trusting nature and so she feared on our behalf. Ella was on the small end of things and since we were late getting a midwife because we were in California, she labelled us a “special case”. Ella was perfectly healthy other than being small, but she was pushing for c-section from the beginning. We decided to follow her protocol, saw the doctors, went to the extra appointments, did the extra ultrasounds and chose a hospital instead of our home for the birth. It was a new hospital specifically for birthing with birthing pools and all, so it ended up being the perfect environment for our first birth. Our midwife AND pediatrician were soon pushing for a C-section together, and this is where we had to put our foot down. We had to tell them “No” many times over. We affirmed that we wanted a natural birth and that we wanted to allow my body and baby to do what God created it to do. Can you believe the pediatrician even tried to tell me some moms don’t go into labor on their own, in order to get me to schedule my birth on her days in the hospital!? Crazy beans. I must add here, Ella was totally healthy and passed all her tests every time we went in.
What I learned most from this experience is to: TRUST myself, my partner, my baby and God above and beyond what fear the doctors might have, or fear my own ego might chirp. I did everything I could in nutrition, in mind, in education and in prayer to know my baby was safe and healthy. All tests showed she was healthy (just small) and so I had to keep the vision of a natural birth as what I wanted, and what was natural. I am grateful I stuck to my goal of a natural birth…. because everything unfolded in the most perfect way.
The Day of Birth:
I was all smiles and meditative control for the first 4 hours of contractions. I feel my mind training had a HUGE effect on my ability to ride those waves and let my body do what it needed to do without me interfering. Anytime the contraction would arrive I would close my eyes, focus on my breath and turn inward. I knew it wouldn’t last forever, so I was focused on riding it and staying calm. I was still all smiles as we entered the hospital and all the nurses made comments that they never see Mamas smile at this point. We settled into our quiet and private birthing room and I let the contraction roar on.
The smiles began to fade as my contractions turned to 1 minute on and 4 minutes off, that is when they intensified a million percent. I tried to eat, but ended up vomiting it all up. My doula then began to give me one bite of cracker and one sip of water between contractions to sustain me through the many hours of labor.
I was grateful to have had my amazing partner Tom beside me, my sister Chelsie beside him, and my Mom and Doula on my other side. I was surrounded by intense love and support for me, our baby and this Natural Birth. We had the option to have a water birth and the water was filling as I continued to dilate and reach the 6 hour mark of intense contractions.
There was one moment that shifted the experience for me from being almost overly consumed by intensity and contractions, pain and fear. It was near the end of my 6 hours when I turned to my doula and said I don’t think I can do this anymore. She proceeded to tell me that that must mean the end is near. She said these words that I feel gave me a direction for where I needed to place my mind where it needed to be to finish off this natural birth. My doula Kory said “ Instead of resisting the wave when it comes and wanting it to end, welcome it!! Call her down, Bring Ella to earth through you. The more painful it is Now, the Faster your angel will be here. You’ve got this Britney.” I agreed. I needed to welcome the pain and bring her down. A few more contractions happened that were more painful then I even have the words to describe. I was on the bed, grabbing hold of the side bar and rocking and screaming back and forth, back and forth and let the growls of life force roll through me. I then felt the need to push. I told my midwife and she said no way I just checked you. I told her to check again and I was right (mamma’s intuition again) I was 10cm and baby was ready to come.
There were about 5 more pushes after she said that I was fully dilated, and the final ones were actually seemingly easier because she was in the birth canal and also because I knew the end was near!!!! I rocked and screamed, focused my whole mind on this One task and called Ella down and pushed my little heart out. At first I pushed wrong and shallow, I literally had to learn how to push to help her through my canal. I wish I would have known that I needed to push like I was taking a pooh so I didn’t burst some blood vessels in my face!! My main pediatrician came in at this point, all smiles which was lovely, and we were ready to go. I gave it one last push, and at 6pm on June 13 2015 a beautiful, tiny, perfect baby girl flew (and I mean flew) into this world. I whipped off my shirt and she was placed on my bare chest with the warmth of love surrounding her from all sides.
Within a minute or so, Ella latched perfectly and naturally onto my breast and we settled into the wow of the moment. It was magical. It was euphoric. It was sacred. It was the greatest feeling I could ever feel. This was a holy experience of Life. And I did it. This truly was a miracle.
I am in awe of what woman are capable of… and to be able to let life brew and come on through is so holy I can’t even begin to express it in words. I am so grateful for this experience, and for learning that trusting one’s body and heart and soul and God to have a Natural birth, is what can and will happen when we let fear enter not. I was even told Ella had one of the lowest numbers for jaundice they have ever seen, meaning she was filled with all the nutrients her little body needed to be healthy and grow strong. We got to spend the night in the hospital and Tom and I got to enjoy our sweet little miracle alone together in our quiet sleeping room.
I am thankful to my whole family and my doula for being my strength when I wavered, my vision when I lost it, and my compassionate heart when I needed it. I am so filled with love and tears right now in remembering this day…… and so so very thankful for this little bean in our life. Thank You Ella. We love you sweet angel. Happy Birthday. #NaturalBirth #TBT #Midwives #sacred #Family #BabyGirl #3YearsOldToday #Remembering #Gratitude #PowerToMamasEverywhere #LittleBean
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What is we told women the truth about birth?
♥️ “What if we told women the truth about birth
We’d have to tell them that contractions will probably be more than “surges” or “sensations.”
That they’ll probably rock your f✨cking world and leave you begging for salvation as you clutch the edge of the tub or the hospital linens
That your gentle breathing exercises and your Spotify soundtrack will be left in the dust as you sweat and pant and sway and swear your way through it
That you’ll trip harder than any mushroom you ever did in college and vomit with the same ferocity and travel to places deep within yourself that you didn’t know existed. That you’ll float above your body and simultaneously be trapped in it with an intensity you’ve never tasted
And in that intensity, in the sweating and the swearing and the swaying and the vomiting and the endless hours of contractions crashing down upon you
You’ll find your strength
You’ll find a resilience you’ve never known
You’ll find the power you need for the journey of motherhood ahead
In the messy humanity of it all
You’ll find that you are holy
A portal to the divine
Capable of indescribable miracles
A vessel of sacred life
What if we told women the truth about birth?
We’d have to tell them they are capable of anything
Worthy of being treated like goddesses
Made to walk through the flames
Surf the tidal waves
Dive into the underworld
And come out alive
And ready to take on the world
If we told women the truth about birth
We’d have to admit that we’ve lied about everything else
And that they are more powerful
Than we’ve ever let on.
If we told the truth about birth?
We’d shatter the world.”
Spirit Y Sol